Why should we argue constructively?

Have you ever thought of how important arguments are? And why shouldn’t we escape them?

Now I don’t want you to hold everyone’s collar for disagreeing with them. But I want to make you realize what the world would be like if there were no arguments.

No arguments mean no idea clashes. And no point of view clashes means either everyone following the same belief or one person always seems to be having dominance in the conversations.

And that rarely happens.

We don’t agree on a daily basis and I think we shouldn’t. I have noticed people not putting their point of views just for the sake of avoiding the arguments their belief clashes would spark.

Just because of that you let the other person put her point of view and don’t put yours. Because you’re afraid it will raise an argument between you both. And you start to do it so regularly. You start to sacrifice your personal self in that relationship and that kind of relationship doesn’t go long way.

People need to put all their true selves in relations to make them work out.

And with the passing time, you will start to build this insecurity inside of you. You may start to feel that she is always making you behave like she wants to. She makes you eat every time what she likes.

You start to blame the other person for being dominate over you. But in fact, it wasn’t them being dominated on you. It was your surrender that you didn’t consider your point of views even worth of putting in front of them.

And then they don’t have the mind-reading ability to guess that you wanted to eat something else. They didn’t have the capability to guess that you wanted to sleep instead of going out.

And I guess people shouldn’t take this wrong way when I suggest them to argue.

Argue constructively.

Don’t argue for concluding who is right or wrong. Try to conclude with what is right or wrong.

This is you both vs the problem and not you vs them.

– Steve Maraboli.

Let’s say your wife plans to send your child to a different school and you have chosen another one.

Instead of arguing for who has got the better idea for your child, argue for what is the better idea for your child. It’s the fact that you both would never think even for once to exploit your child’s education for your ego. That’s why I chose this analogy.

From your perspective, you have got the better idea, but consider this fact for a while. Why will your wife stake your child’s education for anything? That way she has got the better idea in her mind too.

Now you both have to decide what is right for him. Rather than who is right for him.

When it comes to parent children relationship we always have clashes of belief. Because they have been conditioned differently so they always have a belief that will clash to ours.

But the problem comes. When the parents force their children to understand that we know your betterment. And children try to tell them they have got a better plan for themselves. Neither of them is wrong. Neither the parents will ever think for their children’s doom nor will we think for ourselves any bad.

So who is right is the challenge we all go through.

For children, it is mandatory to understand that their parents can never think of them any worse. And for parents, it is to be understood that their children will never think for themselves any bad.

So we are fighting against the problem and not against each other.

We are fighting against the question what is right for us. Something that our parents think or something that we think.

Why am I forcing on it?

Argue constructively.

Don’t ever lose yourself into a relationship because you’re afraid of arguments. They will always happen. And I suppose they should happen. Until and unless you’re fighting against the problem or the issue there is nothing wrong with them.

But the moment they start to happen because you’re trying to decide who is right or wrong. You start to fight against your relationship.

When you argue constructively. You are not in search of who is right or wrong. But you are in search of what is right or wrong.

And that could come from anyone’s mouth. It’s not necessary that you would be the person coming up with that right thinking. It doesn’t matter who comes up with what. What matter at the end is what we come up with.